THE UPRISING

I can think of no better setting for a sighting of You than a full surrender of me

Just as I am

I am Yours God.

I am Yours in the uncharted whatever.

Do what You will.

Do what You can.

Do stuff with & through me

out there in the uncharted whatever.

On the outside, errands, starbucks, lease payment, parent, employee, a missed appointment, a quick hello.  

On the inside, vicious skirmishes & ambushes. Swords drawn - blood spilled. Hurling some aspect of my inflamed or inflated self onto that cross I drag everywhere I go.

Kill it, I say to God's Spirit in me. Crucify it, He does.   When I hurl it up onto that splintered, blood splattered beam, my part is over & His begins.  

On the outside, errands, starbucks, lease payment, parent, employee, & a quick goodbye.  On the inside, at red lights, eyes close & head hits the steering wheel in worship.   Messy, stilted, wordless pockets of worship at the red lights & stop signs, & in the starbucks addiction line. Gritty worship in the Fall winds - the cityscape ahead & my heart hurling itself ahead - head on into the oncoming come closer now of a hide & seek God.  

On the outside, I'm tapping out these aimless words like a pregnant soul needing to deliver. On the inside, warfare & worship... tenderness & grittyness... fasting & feasting.... jagged-edged worship.

-invade all of my habits - each and every one-

He came into that skanky bar I hang out in, sat next to me, &  bought me a drink. Holy & clean, everyone could see he did not belong there. What they could not yet see is that neither did anyone else. This was the news he came to bring. Kept it hidden inside his inside pocket. Brought it out only after we'd talked awhile. Well, I talked. He just listened. Listened like my mother, leaning over my crib,  just to listen to me breathe. He seemed that cleanly fascinated with my story...& with me.  He came into that skanky bar I hung out in, sat beside me, & shared His time with me.  Shared His story with me. Shared his Life with me. Made me an offer I could not refuse. 

Before there was the 'all this' You called me to & set me into & keep in missional motion...  Before there was the 'this & that' & all the ministrations & ministries which fill the bulk & span of my day's day. Before there was an office & a building & a budget & a pushing into the city with a mandate & a pushing into men's hearts with a swab or a sword. Before all of this, there was You & I. And when all 'this' passes away, there will still be You & I. So here now, in the middle of the 'all this' that You started & keep going by grace; here I sit low to do nothing more than to seek & see You. Because for me it has never really been all about the 'what', but the 'Who with'.   So... pardon my stare here in the wee hours of pre-day's start. And pardon my repetitive glances, down in the thick of this day's middles. And pardon my sins, too. To the One of whom I am cultivating an addiction, pardon the stalking tendencies I intend to display as I disentangle myself from the affairs of this life so that I may have  a well tangled affair with You... and You alone.

There is a burning
here in the center of my chest. It is distinct.
It is holy.

The devil would twist it to hate.
God would sculpt it to passion.

The devil or my own carnality would use it to fashion a hate fixed of course on some unrighteous this or that. The devil or my own flesh would propel it like a rocket or a bomb toward the cause of righting the hated unrighteous this or that... by any means necessary.  

But God would use this burning to fashion from it a stout but pliable passion - a passion not having itself as God, but a passion submissive to its Maker's direction, pace, & purposes.

Without God's hand at the reigns of this budding burning passion, unruly hate & unrighteous destructiveness in the name of love & righteousness are its only outlets.

There is a burning here in the center of my chest. Present as unintelligible sparks when I woke this morning, then sparked to a sure, tangible, heart-seated flame from interacting with Christ around a specific set of central kingdom truths. Now there is a burning. It is distinct. It is holy. And... It is not mine.

Despite being certain of the kingdom truths it alights & has been conceived to impact, this burning is not mine. It does not belong to me. Niether its force or application, nor its modus-operandi are mine to dictate. Because of this partnership but dis-ownership, the burning will live as holy fire & not wild fire.

Nevertheless... There is a burning.

I have a friend... who has been in the trenches with me, taken bullets for me, grabbed live grenades thrown my way, threw them a distance off, & resuscitated me when my breath failed.  I have a friend, who has scars from the battle we've shared, who has tattoos for the mission we've shared, who smells of the worship we've lived, & who speaks from a heart giving itself away.  Closer than a brother.  Better than many friends of old. I have a friend who has never been perfect, & has sometimes disappointed me, but has never once failed me. Closer than a brother. Yeah, we're 'come what may' that way. 

.  

 

   every six paces. ..  awe-shock, locked-gaze, love-struck, blood-stained, stuff-surrendering, imperfect, God-dependent, heart-pregnant gratitude. this is how i'll make my way home..

 

 

R   e   a   c   h   i   n   g        Q   u   i   e  t  

 T    o   d   a   y   '   s       M   i   l   e   s   t   o   n  e

Before much more talk of Christ in your life,

much more talk of you in His Life.

Some things about Himself which God wants us most to find,

 He hides to be found only by those, ya know,

who count Him worthy of diligent seeking.

The line does not go... "Want & you shall find";

It goes... "Seek & you shall find".

breaking dawn with sneakers & t-shirts & justice 

& making friendships among the impoverished & marginalized

that is... if they'll have me.

                                On your knees or on your feet?

There seem to me to be two camps. The camp that conferences & prays a great deal, but never really invests themselves in a  l-i-f-e-s-t-y-l-e which includes living missional, making disciples, serving the marginalized, & practically working for justice. 

The other camp serves & labors in the missional fields zealously, but rarely invests themselves in a l-i-f-e-s-t-y-l-e which includes spiritual disciplines, an intimate prayer life, & vibrant interior communion with God.

It is my hope & goal & labor to see the two sides partnered under the Spirit's leadership. Then Christ's body will be strong both in the prayer closet a-n-d on the gritty streets. 

Strong in God-intimacy & world-impact .

On 'both' fronts bearing fruit that remains.

I sense God calling His 'servants' into the closet more & his 'brides' onto the streets more. Instead, what is presently taking place is that His brides are going further into the closet & further away from the streets. And His servants are going deeper into the streets & further away from the closet. 

In the narrative of Martha & Mary, I believe it was never an issue of 'either' 'or' regarding sitting & listening verses standing & serving. Rather it was a matter of which should come first.

Some make the first thing the only thing. And while they are sitting & soaking, & self perfecting, people outside are hungry & hurting are stumbling & falling & dying for want of someone to reach out & help them.  

Others make the second thing the first thing. And it soon becomes the only thing. And while they are standing & serving to the exemption of sitting & soaking, they become more deaf to God's voice, more numb to His guidance.  And worse... estranged from intimacy with the One who gave the word to serve the needy.  They reproduce, but the fruit does not bear the unmistakable image of the Father.

Worker bees tend to reproduce worker bees. Closet-mongers ted to reproduce closet-mongers.

The generation who will experience the epic kind of Isaiah 58 promises, will be those who grow strong in a lifestyle that as a rule has on outworking of both the 1st command & the great commission. Each in its right place of priority. 

Zeal is a great catalyst, but a bad God. One leads to strange fires, flash fires, & spiritual burnout. The other, to holy fire, holy fruit, & a spiritual renewal that is sustainable. One leads to strain. The other, to rest.

Most of the time when the word fear is attached to a proverb, psalm, or commandment about God, it is not referring to terror or intimidation, or being really, really scared of Him. But instead, to reverence.

Fear: respect. reverence. honor. awe.

The fear of the Lord helps you consider your choices not just in the light of God's unconditional love & unfailing grace, but also in the light of what honors & dishonors Him. 

This kind of fear is a very specific aspect of the way God wants to be loved.  

Affection between you & God reminds you that you have His heart.
Fear reminds you that you wear His name.
Affection reminds you you are His child.
Fear reminds you you are not an island. 
Affection reminds you that you can climb in His lap, be completey authentic, & encounter grace.
Fear reminds you that your obedience or disobedience effects God & has ramifications in how the world perceives God.

A man careful to obey God, not because he is afraid of the consequences to himself, but because he is aware of the worthiness of God & the consequences to God, His kingdom, His purposes, His name, this man rightly fears the Lord.

Standing toe to toe with my defections & affections & demons & deadlines - writing love notes & suicide notes which convey that i'm in the freedom of a continual farewell - Inside the gates of God's kingdom & inside the grit of the city's bustle, there i am & there i go.... heading up toward that Galatians 2:20 ledge above while trying to put this crazy good love to practical good use below... Yeah, it's good here. It's very good here. It's finger-licking, foot-washing good here.

 

 

 

more than i want my life, i want Yours

more than i want provision for my journey,

i want the Instigator of it.

more than i want Your solutions,

i want Your heart.

more than i want something f-r-o-m You,

i want something w-i-t-h You.

 

A friend of mine preached at church recently, & during the altar-call  he went up front,  prayed for himself,  and got saved.

recent morning devotions

& meditations

consist of impaling myself on

this thing called LOVE,

till I'm recognized

only by the blood stain

& the permanent scar

that has courage, humility,

healing, & joy

as its testimony.

Chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. ~Colossians 3:12-14(MSG)

 

Most live a life too fast or too unfasted for time immersed in God's own words.

If you sleep during seed time & planting, 

you will lack during harvest.  -God

If you had not been faithful during the  'I can't believe I have to do this' phase, you would never have made it to the ' I can't believe I get to do this' phase.  You are enjoying the momentum of 'want to' because you were faithful during the discipline of 'have to'. And what you sowed in faithfulness is being rewarded in fruitfulness. 

   For  followers  of  Christ  I  think  the  primary  question  is  not  'How'  should  our  lives  be  lived?  The  primary  question  is  this;  'From  where'  should  our  lives  be  lived?

I got to thinking about us, the way we were made…The way we are created for greatness, but can equally handle smallness if that sometimes be the road to it. The way we are allowed to take up the Life of Christ & let that deep shift transform, addict, & grab us body & soul.

I got to thinking about us -The way we are empowered to taste the Passover; judgment flying over we hidden souls behind blood stained doors. And the way we are subsquently empowered to passover transgressions from others with that same unshakeable & irresistible power of mercy & forgiveness.

The way we are empowered to lay down our life for others as if it were an honor to be asked, instead of an imposition to be endured.

Got to thinking about us…  Been thinking about how we are wired for greatness - The greatness it takes to take no account of suffered wrong, & to love strong enough for two when the love of one grows cold.  For loving when hated. For embracing when rejected – Rejecting rejection when it comes at us like arrows. For interceding when denied- For standing against the tide… We're created for greatness.

Been thinking how we've been given enough love for us & ours & for everybody else too.  How we can take it, when required. And dish it out when righteously necessary. How we can go it, when the second mile is calling from out of some trying situation. Been thinking about how we can bend when flexibility is the better choice, & stand erect in the winds of foolish change.

 

Been thinkin' bout how we’ve been wired to hold the secrets of others & spread them spilling out like a whisper before the Lord alone in prayer. Bout how we can have that love of God spilling over, plenty for come what may protection against bitterness & criticalness offenses & grudges.  Protecting one another instead of lashing out. 

 

Been thinking about how we are wired for twisting anger to peace with a calm response & gentle edifying words. For practicing ruthless mercy. For offering two garments & taking two slaps with the bigger picture in mind.For taking the high road when the low road seeks to evangelize us to its side.

Been thinking about us… About the way we are destined to bring shift change to our corner of the world with radical generosity & a revolution of goodness which runs headlong against the spirit of me, myself & I as well as the spirit of us & them. Yeah, we're called to greatness. Empowered to walk in it. Encouraged to yeild to it, to accept the truth of it. And with that acceptance, to "forever north crying freedom, run on unshakled"

 

There is a great difference

between asking Christ to

give you life & freedom

versus asking Christ to

be your life & freedom.

The I Heart Revolution - Moravians / Wesley / Booth from Glenn Stewart on Vimeo.

Tears of a rapist    

I'd not seen him before. No one at Poplar would know him. He didn't look up. He just kept staring into the bag of groceries I'd just given him. He just kept looking down.

"My life didn't used to be like this... where did it go wrong..."  he said.
"There's something else....I've done something awful... I'm so ashamed..."    A story of wrong choices, wrong friends, a drinking spree getting out of control, arrest, DNA swabs, cells & a rape charge has me sighing at the brokeness of what I was hearing.

The story told - he looks up into my face looking for rejection. I say nothing...

"My life didn't used to be like this... where did it go wrong..." I say nothing...

He half composes himself - "I'm in court next week... I'm scared..." I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure you know if you are guilty" His shoulders shake as deep sobs interrupt the moment.

I look into his eye's "What do you want me to pray?"

Through his sobs he barely whispers "that justice will be done..."

Jesus wants to build a church

that thrives in opposition & trouble.

Jesus wants to build a people

who will look at the greatest difficulties

 just as Joshua & Caleb

looked at the giants in the promised land

& simply said

"They will be bread for us."

He would not bow down to the gods of comfort, convenience, entertainment, sex, selfish ambition, & short cuts. Stood firm in his commitment to worship God & God alone as he undertook a commission to love w/out condition & be a light in great darkness. He would choose death over disobedience, & he wouldn't relent in carrying out his call to walk with God & do His will.

That's my big brother.

I want be just like Him.

Sitting in an uptown coffeehouse inquiring, scheming & dreaming for 2012 underneath the shadow of the skyscrapers above & the homeless below. There somewhere between the marketplace & the marginalized, mission is being plotted to thwart evil & overthrow darkness & break blindness & heal brokenness & help equip revolutionaries in a full on insurrection against lies & less & divided loyalties & lukewarm love. Skyscrapers above. Homeless below. Me in the middle, inquiring & scheming & dreaming toward the making of disciples - disciples not of men, churches, or denominations, but the making of disciples of Christ.

1 “What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,”
says the Lord.
“You make plans that are contrary to mine.
You make alliances not directed by my Spirit,
thus piling up your sins...
8 Now go and write down these words.
Write them in a book.
They will stand until the end of time
as a witness
9 that these people are stubborn rebels
who refuse to pay attention to the Lord’s instructions.
10 They tell the seers,
“Stop seeing visions!”
They tell the prophets,
“Don’t tell us what is right.
Tell us nice things.
Tell us lies.
11 Forget all this gloom.
Get off your narrow path.
Stop telling us about your
‘Holy One of Israel.’”( Isaiah 30)

Months back when Scottish leaders came up to Charlotte & over to 24-7 to get some deliverance training & re-vision casting for their ministries, those few days were some of the best. Enjoyed every second spent teaching, talking, vision-casting, answering questions, listening, & befriending. Can't wait to get over to Scotland to see them again. Till then, 2012 for us will be all about emails & pen on paper & stamps & the mailmen who will help us cultivate & continue the fire that started when we were face to face.

Up. Thinking about the kingdom. And my role in it.
Up. Suiting up. Settling accounts on my knees & needs.
Up. Suiting up. Riding out. Committing treachery against all my fears & lack. Committing treason against all my doubts & idols.
Up. Suited up. Riding out. Wrestling down doublemindeness & divided loyalty & discipline. Committing myself to a cause much bigger than I. One influencing both acts of hiddeness & acts of chivelry across the broad landscape & tight into the smallest corners within & without in my corner of the world. Up. Thinking about the King of this kingdom. And my place both in Him & at His side. Up. Thinking. Suiting up. Riding out.

God-culture, which is often very different from church-culture, is at its best when greatly influenced by the pyro-theology of the Apostles & Prophets - these essential builders & construction site gifts who lay a foundation that connects the entire building to God alone - & makes it stunningly clear that it's all about Jesus (No. Not in the way most Pastors & Teachers & Evangelists think.) These gifts lay a sure foundation of Jesus as all in all, & instigate insurrections, transformation, & reformation in individuals & in all church doctrines, structures, cultures, hierarchies, systems, & ways of operating that would prevent or hinder Christ from being formed in the saints. Some Apostles & Prophets are called to work within the flawed systems to bring about this transformation. Others, from outside. Both are needful.

Many of us have been seeking to bless our lives with God’s help without first seeking to lose our lives for God’s sake. Perhaps that's why many of us are experiencing God's blessings, but few of us are experiencing God's Life.

Dear Shepherds.

Call us up to something greater than a new & improved us.

Sincerely, Sheep.

I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - No.    Mine is a much messier quest.  I'm courting Him like a cocaine addict  - counting worthless & selling off anything that stands between having what I seek....

Scouring the deep recesses of all my comfort zones for any remnant of change that may have slipped between the cushions...  every penny counts & everything that is mine is handed over that I might apprehend Him, know Him, walk in the pleasure of His presence, & in His resurrection life... Even if it means fellowshipping with suffering. Here, anchored in the sweat & snot & tears & shakes of a morning 'episode' .. my longing overtakes my logic & reason. I curse my brokenness, swear through a vow, & hand over all my gods & goods for another sight of His face, his heart, His soul... Him.  I'm not courting God like a ravished lover -  This morning mine is a much, much messier quest -  I court Him like a cocaine addict. 

 

Wash me clean Where I misjudge others Where I dismiss others Where I abuse others Where I ignore others Where I ridicule others Where I use others Wash me clean Where I elevate myself Where I think only of myself Where I want only for myself Where I gather to myself Where I hold to myself Where I value only myself Wash me clean Where I seek for power Where I seek for control Where I seek for praise Where I seek for status Where I seek for fame Where I seek for wealth Wash me clean

Sneakers, smoke, & strong whiskey.

-another day to lock gaze in God-wonder & a come nearer still.  my heart leans hard right into it now.  right into the wild, base, breathtaking simplicity of companioning a God both mystical & missional. 

inside me: candles & altars.  liturgy & incense-smoke. polyphonic chants & primal shouts.   outside: dirty gym-shoes & clean justice. show-&-tell & disciplemaking & battlescars to boot. yeah, risk-taking & standing tippy-toed to reach into & serve out with age-to-come gifts & power. family & friends & confidants & counselors all in between the lines.  

mistakes & outakes & whisky-strong jagged-edged worship all underneath the landscape - like lava  spilling out over the low & high ledges, making new ground while changing the contours of the old.  yeah, incense burning, sneakers going on, whisky-strong worship going up, & me headed into another day to lock gaze in God-wonder & a mad mission to come nearer still while going further out-

In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. -Apostle Paul

To the One who will one day take my breath away...

You take my breath away even now.

And for this death-life-missional-heart-colliding-dance called discipleship,

I thank You.

All my fruitfulness depends not on my ability to stand strong,

but on my willingness to yield to the One who is Strong.

The greatest thing God will ever ask of any of us is ...

 

to yield.

 

 

Standing toe to toe with my defections & affections & demons & deadlines - writing love notes & suicide notes which convey that I am in the freedom of a continual farewell - even as I fight my way to pass & cast the thoughts which exalt themselves above the knowledge of God - even as I sit here in the hollow of the day's noise - even now I get to decide & redecide that the battles & skirmishes & stumbles & risings - even these are a part of what makes the adventure great. Instead of issuing forth prayers of burden-themed-worry as if it were a troublesome chore to be chosen to stand in the trial & in the gap &  in the faith that makes God-endings possible... I stand honored & in awe. Oh these wondrous tragedies & tests & triumphs with there own timelines differing from mine - even these provoke prayers of Wow, i can hardly believe I get to be the one entrusted with believing & appropriating & growing & persevering & ultimately overcoming for myself & for others.  My life is better than Lord of the Rings, & this morning I lean into the grace to rip off the whine & woe is me which daily seeks to adhire like burs, & instead rise into the storyline of this 24 hours - being fully what I am where I am... so that even what I am not yet  stands proudly mocking all that would seek to prevent me from carryout out His life's work in the context of a great & freely given Soul-rest.

 

As Jesus' time on the Earth was coming to a close, He turned to His small band of disciples & said;  "You
are the light of the world". "Go make disciples of all nations...". In essence He communicated that He was leaving & it was now gonna fall on them, that they were going to be the instruments God was going to use to change the world.

Bet they must have been shaking in their boots.  Their 1st thought must have been; "How in the world...?" 

It's likely that their first thoughts were not, "Well If He said it, then He's got a plan & a pace that both cares for us & for the world we're called light up.

I find most people are intimidated by any sizable call from God.  

I know I sometimes am.

What was that Chinese proverb? "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step".     I'm intrigued by the fact that after commissioning His disciples to  "Be light of the world" & carry out His mission to "make disciples of all nations..",  his following immediate instruction was for them to go sit down, chill, wait.   So they gathered & waited for the Director & direction as they shared ideas, & talked together about life & ministry & the goodness of God in the context of there one step at a time great big call.

If it is indeed God that's calling you to something - Understand the the call has weight, but beware of the shadows that make things appear much more intimidating than they actually are. Don't let your imagination convince you it will all be too overwhelming. It will always only ever be one step at a time thing.   And remember, God will be with you.

Knee to cement,

head to dirt,

hand to sky,

hard to contain gratitude

right there in the narrow straights

between God, Goliath, Mission, & me.

Rather this adventure,

where fear & faith sometimes play the game of high speed chicken on this one lane narrow road

than the quiet of a

risk-free, low-yield life.

Yeah, knee to cement,

head to dirt,

hand to sky,

hard to contain, gratitude

right down here in the narrow straights.