THE UPRISING

good day. lot's of meetings - productive. talk of serving the poor better, leading better, & networking well. God through people threw $4000 worth of sound equipment at 24-7 & another $500 in new printer equipment. but the best meeting by far was a brief chance encounter in a coffeeshop. short & sweet.  went down to the 24-7 prayer room tonight 'round 11ish after spending some home-time with my sweetheart & spawn. someone came in & relieved me at midnight, taking over the next shift of prayer.  the person there before me left clear evidence of having encountered God. the person there after me will likely experience the same. yeah, i love what God is doing  on site. on that note, it's off to bed for me. got a 6:30am meeting I'm looking forward to with some anticipation.

                 Q: Who was Jesus' first disciple?      A: Jesus.

Spent some of the morning talking with a new acquaintance. Another homeless person. Seems to be my season for relationships with the homeless.  Feel rather homeless myself, but for reasons different than not having a house & a loving community. I'm at bux now working on a spiritual portfolio for someone I disciple. Occasional crescendos of momentary burden-carrying sneak up on me in the process, forcing me to tilt into intentional Rest along the way. Also slipping in & out of worship in between the spaces of pause & reflect, while pondering weighty aspects of this crazy leg of the journey I'm presently traversing. Though money would be far more useful, it seems instead everybody has 'a word' for me or words to me. Often expressing opposite directives, each still deserving thought & prayer.  And in the middle of it all, there He is, this Jesus I keep moving forward for & with & in. Investing in home & mission & people with all my heart now - with no guarantee that I'm doing it right - just fruit confirming that I should keep doing it. So help me God.  Still that tape from my past continues to play; "You'll never amount to anything, dummy".  Don't really need to amount to anything. Just want to walk intimately with God, & in growing, fulfill my callings while hopefully also enjoying life's beauty & real community along the way. Neverthless, that tape keeps playing, & all manner of press & tests come. Each press or test arguing well how much easier my life would be if I'd just quit & head home. The thing is, it would be easier. Much easier. Guess I'm not primarily strivng for ease, but for fruit. Fruit that remains. That sounds far more noble than my life really looks. But it's true nonetheless.

Was thinking about how that story of the prodigal son was really about the prodigal sons... One indulged in sins of the flesh. The other in sins of disposition, sins of attitude. Neither was much like their dad. Kinda like many of us; We tend to strike out against flesh sins while ignoring or excusing attitude, motive, & disposition sins. The one being easier to condemn than the other. One, we put out of our churches. The other we put on our church boards. Go figure. But those who seek to live in the simplicity of devotion to Christ, who take on his yoke to become his apprentices, these are they who are vigilant to cultivate both the fruit of holiness a-n-d the fruit of the spirit. It's great when we don't, lie, steal, or, for example, cheat on our spouses. But it's even better when we neither cheat on them nor behave rudely or scornfully toward them while we are not cheating on them.  Which is worse, eating with swine or behaving like one? And that rich young c.e.o. who was living clean all his life; what tripped him up & held him back was not a dirty lifestyle, but a dirty inward position. So, he wouldn't sell off his stuff, but instead let Jesus walk away. I bet he kept on living a clean lifestyle though.  If only the outward stuff was the only stuff that had to bow the knee...  Yeah, I think that prodigal son story was about both kids. One was a prodigal with his skin, the other with his soul. Neither was much like their Dad. May every follower of Christ endeavor to partake of/emulate God's nature/character, in both body a-n-d soul. Click Here & Here

there's something stirring in me.  taking on a life of its own.  words that have been conceived in me.  i've felt them growing for weeks & now they've begun to kick. they are perspectives & corresponding words from an office of my calling.  i confess my own discomfort with, well, all that. have tried to wrestle down my fears concerning letting er rip back into my life & ministry in spanking brand new ways.  even with fears securely wrestled down, there's still the grappling with the tenor of the kind of words that are being formed in me.  resolute & strong, these words refuse to 'make nice' .  they are piercing. and no matter how i attempt to dull the point to perceived palatability, the point & all it's edges only get sharper. if it can not be dulled or softened, than with all my energies it will be delivered into this generation... with love.

God's heart

Therefore

Our

Ongoing

Commission.

Our fault? 

Nope. Likely not.

Our oppurtunity?

Yes, oh yes!

it's a curious thing when you've done something in some way which would normally get you ostracized or sent to the back of the social bus. then, for unknown reasons, you don't get sent there. instead you're embraced. my psyche has no defense mechanism for such unadulterated blind kindness. with clear grounds for rejection & social dismissal, surprise, surprise, rejection itself is rejected instead of me. my crusty little heart goes soft for a moment, & hope is conceived.   light really is more stunning & strikingly beautiful when it dares to shine in the thick of black darkness.

click here: What would happen if... 

I dream of a church – Good news to the poor - Salt, light and so much more. Where worship is more than singing a song. Where belief comes sometimes after belong. Of course a church which is theologically sound. But theology that works down on the ground.

       If I dared to come nearer, how long close could I stay,

              before you in fear would push Me away?

                                                                     -God

                          He awaits my reply.

DEEPER HUMILITY... Not greater need, just a greater realization of the need that has always been present. Makes a man humble just to see the naked need & the impossibility of any but God to meet it. This is not a humility that guilts & grovels. But one which marches one on in sure, certain, swift,  courageous steps through the killing fields covered in crosses. Then, surrendering like a patient to a surgeon, yeilding up & into the power of an endless life.

Those who merely visit here never carry any luggage. Not having said goodbye & cut the ties to what they love, they have no intention to stay - Those who do... having said their goodbyes, bring all their baggage - and all their possessions - and all their heart... for they have no intention on returning with anything but resurrection Life.

    God has many worshipers, but few worshipers of God alone. uB1

got a 2pm sunday mtg scheduled just outside of town. one of Australia's international prophets & i will sit all alone in facing chairs in a well appointed house in order to do some God-work. although i looked forward to being home all day, I'm nonetheless looking forward to this time alone talking, inquiring if the lord, listening, going down to work in the places revealed.

back from the meeting.  the prophet soundly confirmed my calling & ministered healing - a true healing in two areas of my heart. many things i could say about the meeting, but won't so much here.  things were accomplished. crucial things - life & ministry shifting things. when the prophet said she believed one of the main reasons she was here in charlotte from Australia was me... i told her i knew, but was not gonna be the first one to say it. before we were done she laid hands on me to impart & release an aspect of her mantle to me. this one meeting today was worth God sending her here. I'm looking forward to the coming days.

the day after - in prophetic ministry throughout the morning. feels good to back up on that horse - free from blame, grief, & cowardice. the difference of degree & depth in prophetic ministry from  saturday afternoon to monday is so distinct.  and although i still in some cases did not give as much as i was shown, i knew it was because of wisdom & not fear. freedom feels great!

each day my contentment deepens - even as my dependancy grows - and i shake my head in awe of the life i get to live out. and just when i think it can't get any better... it does. communion with christ has been worth dying for. and jesus, i'm dying to know you more.

october  10/ o6 headed home after a long work day with much accomplished & much left unaccomplished - two day's behind on emails - one month behind on car payment - and full speed ahead into the heart of pms ...while fasting.  all day being intentional about not reacting.  my mantra : biting head's off not allowed. headed home after a day of God meeting three important needs, & still i've a brooding tenseness around the one not yet met... and the ministry ones coming soon. been awake since 4:30am. i tell myself it's the need for sleep. i tell myself its the pms talking.  i tell myself it's the food fast talking. i tell myself it's the car glitch & that it's fixable.. the inward tensions persist.  home now +  in a measured quiet voice i  calmly state, "i'm stressed".  by the third sip of michelob ultra I ask for a hug & pray for sleep. God is faithful... even when flighty feelings wish to convince me otherwise.  He's faithful  - i take my stand there - i briefly contend in prayer for a song in the trial... then, i go to bed.

3/3/08 Woke up feeling sluggish. Surrounded by what seemed to me a mountainous mass of stuff compiled of clothes, shoes, scarves, papers, rugs, chairs, couches, TV. dishes, cds, forks. For a moment & felt smothered by it all. It’s not the stuff in my house nor the equal mass of stuff compiled on my job to do list… it’s me. I’m overwhelmed by a need to look around & survey in the stark daylight what is really important…and what is not. To ask myself if my people & time investments are where they should be…reflective of what matters most- reflective of where my passions lay, & reflective of the obediences that set my journey down this particular path. It’s through no fear of being wrong. I’ve been that many times. God & I can handle that. It’s not even out of a need to be "right". No, for me it’s a gut check. I ask myself; Am I abiding in Him? Am I walking with God? Am I vested in the communion & intimacy that makes a man who has nothing think himself rich. Is God my chief delight or have other lessor gods begun distracting me from that white hot pursuit that should characterize who I am. I sense that inch by inch ground is being taken from me on that front. And today I go to get it back.

Addendum: A good day. Had to contend for communion, but it has been good, even though it was at moments costly. Asked for prayer from j. Had a great meeting with m. finalizing details & dates for some big ticket items & community wide events in V. Heights. Picked up a new piece of loaned art for the prayer room. It's a stunning art-piece on the subject of Grace. Went to Starbucks with Jr. Read him a bunch of books while there at his favorite table. Prayed for k.  Cleaned part of the house. Thought much of the Inksters coming in two weeks & of the Primals coming in a month, & even more-so of Neil. Our emails have whittled down in words to "Wish you were here" & "I wish I was there too".  What else is there to say. Nothing. So now I make ready for the arrival of Neil's Pastors coming in his stead. What a strange turn of events. Today the Charlotte Observer, a local newspaper, asked to do a spread on the 24-7 prayer room. Uhm... OK. 

june 06/06

Last night  & the night before, I dreamed about praying for the sick. This past week I'd been having momentary but strong cravings to do so. I suppose that specific hunger eventually seeping into my dream-life was inevitable. Spoke a bit at my church Sunday - at the end of service I prayed for a guy & immediately sensed something different in how I prayed, what I prayed, & the faith exercised during prayer. Nothing earth shattering, mind you. Just different.  Spent the day with family & the better part of the night at 24-7 working on ministry stuff & praying with a friend. Before praying, God's Spirit spoke to my heart, saying, "Don't pray what you've been told about the situation. Pray what you see in the spirit." .  And indeed when I looked into the spirit, I came to see God's hand, & understand God's intent & redemptive purpose in the situation. I simply then prayed in sync with His purposes. And when I prayed, I had a firm sense of partnership with God, along with a firm belief that the things requested would indeed come to pass.

“It is better to listen in order to understand than to listen in order to reply”

        I have aquaintences who seem to suffer from chronic touchiness.         At times, even I myself have ocasionally been infected by this disease.