Standing toe to toe
with my defections
& demons & deadlines -
writing love notes
& suicide notes
which convey that
I am in the freedom
of a continual farewell.
Even as I fight my way to pass & cast the thoughts which exalt themselves above the knowledge of God - even as I sit here in the hollow of the day's noise - even now I get to decide & redecide that the battles & skirmishes & stumbles & risings - even these are a part of what makes the adventure great.
Instead of issuing out prayers of burden-themed-worry
as if it were a troublesome chore to be chosen to stand in the trial
& in the gap & in the faith that makes God-endings possible...
I stand honored & in awe.
Oh these wondrous tragedies & tests & triumphs
with their own timelines differing from mine -
even these provoke prayers of "Wow,
I can hardly believe I get to be the one entrusted with believing
& appropriating & growing & persevering
& ultimately overcoming for myself & for others."
And this morning I lean into the grace to rip off the whine & woe is me which daily seeks to adhire like burs, & instead rise into the storyline of this 24 hours - being fully what I am where I am... so that even what I am not yet stands proudly mocking all that would seek to prevent me from carryout out His life's work in the context of a great & freely given Soul-rest.