i can think of no better setting for a sighting of You
than a full surrendering of me..
Thinking About Us.
I got to thinking about us - The way we were made. The way we were created for greatness. The way we are allowed to take up that Life of Christ & let its deep shift transform us, addict us, grab us - body & soul.
I got to thinking about us - The way we were empowered to taste the Passover; It's judgment flying over we hidden souls behind blood-stained doors. And the way we're empowered to pass over the transgressions of others with that same un-shakeable, irresistible Spirit of might who gives us power to show mercy. The way we're empowered... Empowered to lay down our lives for others as if it were an honor to be asked, instead of an imposition to be endured.
Been thinking about how we're wired for greatness. The greatness it takes to take no account of suffered wrong, & to love strong enough for two when the love of one grows cold. For loving when hated. For embracing when rejected – Rejecting rejection when it comes at us like arrows. For interceding when denied. For standing against the tide… We were created for greatness.
Been thinking about how we've been given enough love for us & ours & for everyone else too.
How we can take it when required. And dish it out when righteously necessary. How we can go it when the second mile is calling from out of some trying situation. Been thinking about how we can bend when flexibility is the better choice... And stand erect in the winds of foolish change.
Been thinking about how we’ve been wired to hold the secrets of others & spread them spilling out like a whisper before the Lord alone in prayer. About how we can have that love of God spilling over, plenty for come what may, & protection against bitterness & criticalness, offenses & grudges. Protecting one another with that love instead of lashing out in hate. Been thinking about how we are wired for twisting anger to peace with a calm response & gentle edifying words.
For practicing ruthless mercy.
For offering two garments & taking two slaps with the bigger picture in mind. For taking the high road when the low road seeks to evangelize us to its side. Been thinking about us… About the way we're destined to bring shift & change to our corner of the world with radical generosity & a revolution of goodness which runs headlong against the spirit of us & them.
Yeah, we're called to greatness.
Empowered to walk in it.
Encouraged to yield to it,
to accept the truth of it.
And with that acceptance,
to "forever north, crying freedom, run on unshackled"
HipHop Psalms
Home alone for an hour - Loud Hip Hop as my work playlist.
This music sometimes reminds me of the O.T. ; full of lovers, law-breakers, tribal gangs & body counts, sex, intrigue, full on street wars, quests & conquests for power, blessings, cusses & curses, hallelujahs, prophet-poets laying down narratives of God & the good & bad of what life is like in their corner of the world.
And right in the middle of it, there's a house DJ curating those stories & putting its big ideas to music at the house party called Psalms.
Freedom
He throws FREEDOM
like a grenade,
into our bondages.
And it explodes
out from every inward room...
until LIFE, that consuming fire,
lays waste every rival,
leaving only surrender
and the ravishes of LOVE
in its wake.
Pray. Play. Obey.
Now comes the season of iron sharpening iron as we shoulder close to know God's heart, bear His likeness, & live out His message.
In childlike wonder, engaging in the pleasures of this life, we drink deep from the people, places, & things that make this world provocatively beautiful.
We live full. We play hard. We leisure well. We pray hard. We laugh deep - we kingdom eunuchs.
We, Christ-apprentices, who take on the yoke, take up our cross, & put on the mantle of serving others as we simultaneously engage every "Follow Me" discipline that will help in our swift pursuit of the holiness & wholeheartedness which enables us to see beyond the headlines & into the details of God.
We'll live wide & deep in the joys of earth but remain willingly severed from that which would distract us from companioning the King & fulfilling His earthly desires.
He. alone. is. now. our. deepest. delight.
Sneakers, smoke, & strong whiskey.
-another day to lock gaze in God-wonder & a come nearer still.
my heart leans hard right into it now.
right into the wild, base, breathtaking simplicity
of companioning a God both mystical & missional.
inside me: candles & altars. liturgy & incense-smoke. polyphonic chants & primal shouts. outside: dirty gym shoes & clean justice. show-&-tell & disciple-making & battle scars to boot. yeah, risk-taking & standing tippy-toed to reach into & serve out with age-to-come gifts & power. family & friends & confidants & counselors all in between the lines.
mistakes & outtakes & whiskey-strong jagged-edged worship all underneath the landscape - like lava spilling out over the low & high ledges, making new ground while changing the contours of the old. yeah, incense burning, sneakers going on, whiskey-strong worship going up, & me headed into another day to lock gaze in God-wonder & a mad mission to come nearer still while going further out.
Love does not accept another based on their strengths
Nor does it reject another based on their weaknesses.
It is unswayed by another's greatness, power, or prowess.
And it is unoffended by their great weaknesses & wounds.
Love is out for another's good & is in their corner
even when that other person is acting like a fool.
Especially then.
The greater the darkness, the brighter love shines.
Love covers instead of broadcasting.
It intercedes instead of accusing.
Not easily irritated, Love encourages even when rebuking.
Love stands firm. Love never fails.
"Love one another"
-Jesus
Tears
'I'd not seen him before. No one at Poplar would know him. He didn't look up. He just kept staring into the bag of groceries I'd just given him. He just kept looking down.
"My life didn't use to be like this... where did it go wrong..." he said. "There's something else....I've done something awful... I'm so ashamed..." A story of wrong choices, wrong friends, a drinking spree getting out of control, arrest, DNA swabs, cells & a rape charge has me sighing at the brokenness of what I was hearing.
The story told - he looks up into my face looking for rejection. I say nothing...
"My life didn't use to be like this... where did it go wrong..." I say nothing...
He half composes himself - "I'm in court next week... I'm scared..." I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure you know if you are guilty" His shoulders shake as deep sobs interrupt the moment.
I look into his eye's "What do you want me to pray?"
Through his sobs, he barely whispers "that justice will be done..."
Us before Them
Before there was the 'all this' You called me to & set me into & keep in missional motion... Before there was the 'this & that', & all the ministrations & ministries which fill the bulk & span of my day's day...
Before there was an office, & a building, & a budget, & a pushing into the city with a mandate, & a pushing into men's hearts with a swab or a sword. Before all of this, there was You & I. And when all 'this' passes away, there will still be You & I.
So here now, in the middle of the 'all this' that You started & keep going by grace; here I sit low to do nothing more than to seek & see You. Because for me it has never really been all about the 'what', but the 'Who with'.
So... pardon my stare here in the wee hours of pre-day's start. And pardon my repetitive glances, down in the thick of this day's middles. And pardon my sins, too. To the One of whom I am cultivating an addiction, pardon the stalking tendencies I intend to display as I disentangle myself from the affairs of this life so that I may have a well-tangled affair with You... and You alone.
Nuts
There is very little to prevent me from selling off pieces of my soul to the highest bidder or handing off chunks of my time along with my heart to the drawing of the world's clanging whatever. But that 'very little' standing between me & my selling off or selling out is great. And that great is God. And that thin fragile thing called choice is steady & sturdy enough to keep me from the hands of the world's auctioneers & in the hands of the world's maker. And for God, love, & a strong lean toward the fearful reverent right, I'm in. All in.
We Mount Up
In trials, honored with
an opportunity to trust.
An honor that outweighs the discomfort of the not yet, & overshadows the temptation to doubt, waiver, or worry.
It's edge-tense from the inconvenience.
But there's a strong central solid bewildering peace at the center.
A wholly unique sensation of faith, discomfort, hope without hype, & a God-entrusted 'whatever'.
In the oncoming strong winds of adversity, we mount up.
Yeah, we were born for this & these...
even for these & this.
We leverage our trials.
We. Mount. Up.
Courting God
I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - No. Mine is a much messier quest. I'm courting Him like a cocaine addict - counting worthless & selling off anything that stands between having what I seek....
Scouring the deep recesses of all my comfort zones for any remnant of change that may have slipped between the cushions... every penny counts & everything that is mine is handed over that I might apprehend Him, know Him, walk in the pleasure of His presence, & in His resurrection life... Even if it means fellowshipping with suffering. Here, anchored in the sweat & snot & tears & shakes of a morning 'episode' .. my longing overtakes my logic & reason. I curse my brokenness, swear through a vow, & hand over all my gods & goods for another sight of His face, His heart, His soul... Him. I'm not courting God like a ravished lover - This morning mine is a much, much messier quest - I court Him like a cocaine addict.
i know what it is to get the beat down
to be stabbed in the back by both friend & foe
to fail so badly that recovery takes years
to lay down in a battle & play dead
to ignore the help that's offered because i refuse to take off my shirt to show someone the wound
yeah, I'm acquainted with grief
the kind that makes you crawl into a bottle rather than face it
the kind that makes you deny taking new friends cause old ones done ya so wrong, or because you've done them wrong but they won't say how
the kind that takes the wind out of your sails, or shapes & skews the way you look at the world for a while. the kind that comes with being asked to take leaps of faith so wide that though you eventually do make it to the other side you limp for a while...
yeah...I've known pain; the kind that makes you hide, makes you run, makes you tired even when you're standing still...smiling at passersby. the kind that makes you recoil at taking risks. the kind that makes you calloused toward the people & places that remind you of it
and also the kind that keeps you, though you limping, dependent on God & humbly moving forward
yeah, I've known pain & failure & loss & grief.
Look at us looking up to You, bending down to You, giving up to You what You gave to us when You gave us that "All" which makes us yours & makes us ourselves. Offering it up, sending back up what You sent down when You sat down & said "It is finished", knowing for us it was just beginning.
Dwelling in your dwelling place with all my might, that You might make of me more than "Just as I am, Sweet Jesus". In this my moment consecrated with unrestrained devotion, I spin, bray, & howl till Freedom comes swinging down to meet me.
I curve along the axis of all my yearning while turning on this sacred celestial ball. Both hands lifted up toward the heavens which are still creating from that long ago "Let there be...".
In this 24-7-365 paradox, I shout, bend, swing & spin wild & free... till the Life that You are Is the all of me. Giving myself over to being gotten till I make of me a fire from the heat of my heart-sway. Firing up some light in this darkness, with the light that is in the fire that is I Am That I Am.
Blowing hard on this burning bush as its tongues of purpose call me to come lay down my life to follow You further. Calling me to feel, to heal, to steal away the lost & lead them to the found that I have found in you.
October 2024
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